


score

by lee_dongmins



Series: score [1]
Category: ASTRO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Manipulation, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-29
Updated: 2018-01-17
Packaged: 2019-02-08 06:14:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12858516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lee_dongmins/pseuds/lee_dongmins
Summary: their friendship is immature and silly and everything right and wrong with a pair of fourteen year old boys; but as bin lets minhyuk rest his head on his shoulder and the two fall asleep against one another on the way home, minhyuk realizes that bin is one of many “scores” in his life– and he isn’t talking about goals.





	1. fourteen

**Author's Note:**

> okie dokie so for all you pals who have read my fic "fallingforyou", you may recall me mentioning that it's based off a poem i wrote a few years back. i happen to have like, a lot of poems which can be made into semi-good fics, so i decided i might as well continue using them so; please enjoy i suppose part 2 of ? of fics inspired by a poem i've written. 
> 
> all the chapters of this fic start with the different "stanzas" (lmao they're not even stanzas this isn't real poetry) of the poem it's based on. chapters will likely be pretty short so they should be done pretty quickly- i already have three chapters of this done so updates hopefully quickly too. new updates on my other fics soon, i promise, i just wanna make sure they're perfect if i can because they require a lot of thought and editing and all that jazz :')
> 
> finally (i promise my rambling is done soon lol) i changed the initial connotation of the poem into something a little more serious + something i could write a fic about. it basically follows minhyuk through his struggle with his own sexuality + through life in general. basically what i'm trying to say is everything being described is happening in minhyuk's head, with his own opinions + thoughts thrown in as commentary on what's happening/happened. 
> 
> okay that's rlly all please enjoy and sorry for the rambling !!

_he's 14 and too much cologne._   
_voice cracking and mismatched clothing, still learning that striped shirts can't be worn with patterned shorts._   
_play fighting with his friends and unaware of the things unfolding in front of him._

 

+++

 

minhyuk is pretty oblivious, if he's being honest.

at the ripe age of fourteen he cares little for anything aside from soccer and doing well in school for his parents' sake. 

soccer, specifically, took up most of his thinking time; it took up most of his  _speaking_ time, too, which happened to be little because minhyuk wasn't much of a talker. (on the field was a bit of a different story, minhyuk was known for muttering under his breath at particularly annoying opponents, managing to get under their skin enough to earn himself a free kick most of the time while simultaneously keeping anyone from ever _actually_ being upset with him once whatever they had decided to do to him had been done.)

bin liked to joke that minhyuk didn't like any of the girls in their grade because all he cared about was soccer; minhyuk is too scared to tell him, or even admit to  _himself_ that it's because he's too distracted thinking about how handsome dongmin, or a multitude of the other boys in their school, are.  

" _minhyuk_ ," bin's voice, much too loud consider how close they are comes from the seat next to minhyuk during last period science. it's friday, minhyuk's favourite day because friday means game day. friday means putting aside his thoughts about tests and assignments, his not so existent crush on the girl who sits next to him in math, kim eunha, hidden from everyone aside from bin who had pestered him about who he liked until minhyuk had spit out a name, and the constant torment he feels from the more apparent, but even deeper hidden and definitely rejected, non-crush he has on lee freaking dongmin. 

"hmm?" 

"game day today," bin pauses for a moment, an excited smile crossing his lips, "we're going to  _crush_ seoul, i know it; i think you can get a hat trick for me up front, eh? i'll hold things down in the back." 

minhyuk laughs at his best friend, then, "sure, bin." 

goalie extraordinaire moon bin thought he was the best goalie from cheongju to seoul and back again; though, if minhyuk was being serious, his best friend probably  _was_ the best goalie from cheongju to seoul. at only fourteen, bin already had scouts looking after him, his name already being mentioned in "future greats" lists among high school kids-- and he was only in ninth grade. 

minhyuk was thrown in there sometimes, bin thought his best friend was the best  _striker_ from cheongju to seoul; though he was pretty sure that if kang yuna, the girl bin was currently obsessed with, had asked if she was better, bin would've readily agreed that she was. minhyuk knew he was  _good_ at soccer. minhyuk also knew he wasn't the  _best_ , not in the same way bin or dongmin were. 

the bell rings as bin begins rambling about how long the drive to seoul for their game is going to feel and how excited he is that their parents had agreed to carpool or he would've really lost his mind on the ride. 

minhyuk listens happily, packing his stuff up as the teacher reminds them to finish their homework and kids begin trailing out of class. 

bin cuts himself off after a moment to furrow his eyebrows at minhyuk, "did you  _really_ wear a _striped shirt_ with  _plaid shorts_ all day today?" 

minhyuk looks down at his outfit, throwing an arm out as they exit their classroom, "uhh, yeah? why?" 

"oh minhyuk my dear friend, you have  _so_ much to learn."

he shakes his head in reply to bin's words, rolling his eyes as he trails after the taller boy to make the walk back to their houses.

minhyuk assumed he had some sort of crazy luck in that he had not only grown up next to his best friend, but also managed to make the  _same_ rep team when they'd tried out for their current team back in sixth grade. soccer was fun for minhyuk. certain kids played to become soccer players, minhyuk played because he liked it and happened to excel at it. 

both himself and bin had been approached at a school soccer tournament in _fifth_ grade, when dongmin's soccer coach; and their current coach, had come out to watch a few of his player's play. he had asked dongmin who the goalie and striker on his team were, then approaching minhyuk and bin's parents respectively to invite their sons to the tryouts occurring at the end of that season. they were given the opportunity to practice with the team throughout the season, earning some valuable training and giving them a certain edge on the other kids when tryouts came around that september. their coach had seen potential in both of them watching them play that day back in june so many years ago, minhyuk supposed he must've had a really good eye for the game to pick out the league's best goalie and the league's leading scorer from a school tournament. 

they don't live far, and bin's mom greets them as they walk into the moon house; pressing kisses quickly to both of their cheeks as they make their way into the kitchen. minhyuk and bin were basically brothers, and their parents treated them as such; minhyuk was welcome at bin's any time and vice versa. it helped that their parents got along so well, minhyuk supposed, but even if they hadn't it wouldn't change the relationship minhyuk and bin had. bin was a second brother to him, no doubt about it, and minhyuk was bin's only brother, even his  _sister_ thought of minhyuk as her second older brother. (that could be because minhyuk was equally as protective over her. she found it annoying, the older two thought it was necessary.)

"hi mrs. moon, how was your day?" 

"oh minhyuk, ever the sweetheart hmm?" he blushes as she laughs at her own words, bin rolling his eyes and laughing along with her at his mother's love for his best friend, "it was good, i'm enjoying the week off work while my boss is on vacation; it's nice." 

minhyuk nods, "my mom is so envious of your time off," he pauses to laugh for a second, "she joked with me that she was going to take time off so she could come hangout with you."

bin and his mom both start laughing along with minhyuk then, her hand reaching out to pat minhyuk's shoulder, "man i love your mother." 

minhyuk quietly hums a sound of agreement before bin interrupts the conversation, informing his mother that they were going to go hangout in his room before they had to get ready. 

"have fun, boys." 

minhyuk says a thank you before leading the way up the stairs to bin's bedroom, knowing exactly where it is.

bin's bedroom isn't messy, but it isn't necessarily clean. he has a few posters up on his walls, one of bts, his favourite group, and a few different soccer teams and goalies on the others. a picture frame sits on the desk across the room, a photograph of the two of them taken after winning the league finals placed inside; the trophy held between them, wide smiles on their lips. the game had gone to penalties, bin had stopped a penalty shot and minhyuk had scored the winning shot; their parents thought it was funny how that had worked out. 

they sit and talk about everything and nothing, people at school, homework, soccer, bin tries to tell minyhuk that certain soccer players are better than others; minhyuk just plugs his ears. he leaves around 4:00 to get ready for their game, fully aware that the drive to seoul is just over an hour and they had to be at the field by 7:15 for warmup, giving himself just enough time to eat and get his stuff together. 

they end up winning the game 3-0. minhyuk doesn't get the hat trick bin had wanted but comes close, scoring two of their three goals while bin records his third straight shutout; meaning that in three games played on the season, he's three for three. 

when the game is over, the coach calls them into a circle, going over what had been done well and where they needed to improve for next week. minhyuk doesn't listen, instead finding himself unintentionally admiring lee dongmin. 

lee dongmin is one year older than minhyuk and bin, athlete extraordinaire  _and_ wildly intelligent. minhyuk is envious of his top rank in the school, of the fact that every girl in their school was pining over him, of the fact that minhyuk would never have a  _chance_ with him. (minhyuk was more upset that he  _wanted_ a chance with him, because lee dongmin was a boy and minhyuk wasn't supposed to like boys.)

lee dongmin is also unfairly attractive. lee dongmin has sparkling brown eyes and a perfectly sculpted face. sure, he had once had hints of baby fat in his cheeks, but playing soccer for so long had done him well, leaving him with a jawline that even minhyuk was jealous of, in his awkward fourteen year old state. lee dongmin had hair that fell perfectly over his forehead and laughter that rang out and a deep voice that minhyuk couldn't help but be distracted by. 

minhyuk probably had the biggest crush he'd ever had on anyone in his life on lee dongmin. minhyuk hated himself for having the biggest crush he'd ever had on anyone in his life on  _lee dongmin_. 

minhyuk was  _meant_ to fall in love with a nice  _girl_. the people he met always talked about the  _girl_ he would marry and bin always asked about what  _girls_ he liked at school. one of his teammates, jinsoo, talked about his  _girl_ friend and a few weeks earlier, someone on the team had used some english slur towards one of the other guys at practice and minhyuk had later learned it had something to do with being gay; and not in a good way. 

liking lee dongmin was a mistake, a huge mistake that minhyuk wished he could put a stop to. by the time he realizes he's been staring at dongmin much too long, the older boy has already taken notice of his gaze; eyebrows knitting and lips pursing in a way that is incredibly too attractive. 

minhyuk cringes at himself slightly, pinches himself on the arm, mentally tells himself to  _snap out of it_ , cheeks turning red as he turns his gaze to their coach who has moved on to discussing an extra practice on sunday afternoon for next week's game. 

bin bumps his shoulder into minhyuk's as they walk back to the car, starting a play fight with his shorter friend as he teases him for his height. minhyuk lightly smacks his arm back, laughs falling from his lips nearly as consistently as they fall from bin's. soon, the two of them are in a heap on the ground, having knocked themselves over trying to get the other person to fall. they stay down for a second, catching their breath before they stand up, bin quickly ruffling minhyuk's hair before screeching in disgust at the sweat now covering his hands. 

"idiot," minhyuk mutters, no sympathy in his voice for bin, who has to be the dumbest person on the planet to forget that minhyuk had just spent an hour and a half running up and down a soccer field. 

"yah! watch it, kid; i'm still older than you." 

minhyuk snorts, "oh yeah a whole month, _way_ older than me bin."

they're halfway across the field now, footsteps completely in sync as they walk back to the car which their parents are waiting beside for them. 

"race you." bin takes off in the direction of their parents, giggles falling from his lips at the dumbfounded expression on minhyuk's face. 

"idiot," he mumbles again, quickly beginning to chase after his much slower friend, bin lacking the speed which minhyuk's position necessitates. 

bin jumps onto his back just as they reach their parents, the two of them falling in a heap of limbs, bags, water bottles and soccer gear to the grass. their parents laugh at their immature behaviour, minhyuk simply letting out a groan and begging bin to get off of him with his sweaty goalie gear. 

their friendship is immature and silly and everything right and wrong with a pair of fourteen year old boys; but as bin lets minhyuk rest his head on his shoulder and the two fall asleep against one another on the way home, minhyuk realizes that bin is one of many "scores" in his life-- and he isn't talking about goals. 


	2. seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> minhyuk, in bin’s opinion, deserves someone who will love him back as fiercely as he loves them; who will be equally as loyal and just as kind. minhyuk deserves a minhyuk, minhyuk deserves a score, even if he doesn’t exactly know that yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 2 is here and it didn't take me 3 weeks lol be thankful chels had time to write today. 
> 
> anyways enjoy, this chapter is a little more angst-y and i think slightly longer than the last one so theres that.

_he's 17 and soccer cleats._   
_growth spurts and a uniform he wears almost every day, spending his time at practice day in and day out._   
_bruises on his knees from when he fell last week and sweat dripping down his back._

 

+++

 

by seventeen, minhyuk is no longer playing soccer for fun. now, minhyuk plays soccer to become a soccer player. 

all of his free time is spent on the field for the most part. their team has made it's way up the rankings, becoming one of the best in their region. they've changed leagues, too, moving up into a more competitive, more difficult one. their practices increase, meaning instead of having soccer three days a week, they have it every evening. monday through thursday they have practice from 7:00-8:30. friday's they have games. some friday's they leave for tournaments instead, taking up weekends then as well as their team vies for a spot in the finals of each one. 

it's a difficult schedule, if minhyuk is being honest, he's constantly covered in marks and bruises from tackles and pushing in races for the ball. his cleats hang off of his school bag, now, with him all of the time because soccer season outside of school also means the season in school, so there isn't any reason for him to  _not_ have them with him constantly. through all of the difficulties, though, minhyuk is  _happy_. soccer is his favourite activity and being on the field is the place he feels the best, feels the most confident, feels the most in control. soccer has become more complex and harder, but minhyuk finds it nearly as easy as it's always been for him. 

a growth spurt the year before had allowed him to briefly catch up to the other players on the field, before they again grew and he stayed the same. minhyuk didn't care, a year at the same level as the rest of them had given him a good opportunity to develop as a player; he'd improved on headers, specifically those which were used to score goals, and being able to see over and around the defenders for a year had allowed him to figure out where he could place the ball if he wanted to get it past the goalie on a more difficult shot. 

also by seventeen, minhyuk's crush on lee dongmin is still just as present, just as  _real_ , but not so hidden anymore. 

minhyuk isn't sure how exactly it had happened, when exactly him and dongmin had started their,  _whatever_ it was. 

at fifteen, minhyuk had thought lee dongmin had nice lips. by sixteen, minhyuk could _confirm_ that lee dongmin had nice lips. now, at seventeen, minhyuk knew they were nice; and that they felt even nicer pressed against his own in the back their school's locker room, in dongmin's car after games, behind trees and posts and anywhere else they could hide after practices. 

it's a friday; minhyuk's favourite (and also somehow least favourite) day of the week. friday's are game days. friday's are also the days minhyuk finds himself just this side of too in love with lee dongmin; friday's are the days minhyuk hates himself the most, he thinks. hates that he can kiss  _lee dongmin_ so desperately, hates that he can even  _kiss_ lee dongmin, hates that he even  _wants_ to kiss lee dongmin. 

they win the game that night, dongmin heads a goal in off a corner kick which he comes up from his position at centre defence for. minhyuk nearly kisses him on the field out of excitement, his goal giving them a 2-1 lead over the other team. minhyuk stops himself with a pinch to the inside of his arm, instead wrapping an arm over his shoulders and clapping him once on the back. 

the game finishes relatively early, and minhyuk tells his parents that him, bin and dongmin are going to get ice cream to celebrate the win; he knows bin will cover for him, anyways, just barely aware of the situation but willing to do anything for minhyuk, even if it means lying to his second parents. 

minhyuk knows bin wants an explanation, wants to know what, exactly, is going on between his best friend and the team's captain; but he doesn't pry. he lets minhyuk skate around the topic, covers for him whenever he needs to and lets it happen, simply because he's a good friend. 

bin waits with minhyuk until their parents both leave, the two of them joking around and bumping shoulders from their place on the bleachers, minhyuk watching dongmin speak with their coach about the next game, helping to gather the flags at each corner, thanking the referees and the coaches for the other team with a quick bow. 

"what's going on with you, minhyuk?" bin interrupts then, a silence having fallen over him as minhyuk watched the older boy from their spot at the very top of the small metal seats. 

minhyuk's cheeks flush red, his shoulders tensing and gaze falling to his lap, "what do you mean?"

bin doesn't answer right away, looking out at the slowly emptying field. "you know what i mean, minhyuk." 

"it's hard to expla--"

"well try," bin cuts him off, almost annoyed, but minhyuk knows his friend is just frustrated; frustrated that minhyuk is keeping secrets from him, frustrated that he has to lie to people he cares about, frustrated that minhyuk is clearly upset about something all the time and won't tell him what. 

"i--" minhyuk's voice catches in his throat and he clears it, opening and closing his mouth a few times, trying to explain something to bin that he hasn't even been able to admit to himself, doesn't  _want_ to admit to himself. 

"minhyuk," dongmin calls out for him then, standing at the bottom of the bleachers and looking up at the pair of friends. he's taken off his socks and shinguards, feet tucked into slides minhyuk knows he keeps at the bottom of his soccer bag; said bag is hanging off one of his shoulders, his cellphone in one hand, water bottle clutched in the other. 

minhyuk looks at bin carefully, hears the sigh which escapes his lips, "go," bin mumbles quickly, gesturing to dongmin with one hand. 

"are you su--"

"go, minhyuk; it's fine, you can tell me later." 

minhyuk nods, swallowing harshly, "i'm sorry, bin." 

bin nods, letting another sigh escape him, "me too." 

the words hit minhyuk hard, cause his breath to catch in his throat and his hands to shake. he's positive that bin doesn't know but a small corner of his mind worries that he might. 

_what will bin think of him?_

the thought nearly makes minhyuk tell dongmin to go away, to leave him alone and never speak to him again and let him suppress and suppress and suppress his feelings until they go away. the thought makes him want to throw up, if he's being honest, because minhyuk is still trying to tell himself that this is just a phase; something he'll grow out of and move on from and forget about. forget about how  _good_ it feels to kiss dongmin and to have dongmin kiss  _him_ and forget about dongmin in general. 

he doesn't know for sure, of course, but he doesn't want to think about how bin might look at him if he found out minhyuk likes boys. he would probably think it was weird, and he would definitely feel awkward around minhyuk. minhyuk  _knew_ it would change their friendship, or at least in his mind it would. what minhyuk doesn't want to think about is that it might mean bin doesn't want to be his friend anymore; and minhyuk is pretty sure that losing his best friend would be so much worse than the feeling of never kissing dongmin ever again. 

minhyuk knows the feelings  _won't_ go away, so he follows carefully behind bin as they step down the seats of the bleachers, one, two, three, four rows and then he's on the grass; standing next to dongmin, hands itching to grasp the material of the older boys' shirt. 

"i can give you a ride home, bin," dongmin says as they step onto the grass next to him, gaze trailing over minhyuk as he says it despite the fact that he's addressing the other boy. 

"uhh sure, that'd be great, actually." 

this was usually how it went. dongmin and minhyuk  _awkwardly_ giving bin a ride home and avoiding the driveway of minhyuk's house as much as they could. minhyuk mutters out a goodbye to bin, promising to see him tomorrow. 

dongmin drives off once the door to bin's house shuts behind him, turning back down the street and in the direction of the elementary school just down the block. 

it feels wrong to come to an elementary school parking lot to makeout; but minhyuk and dongmin aren't exactly sure where  _else_ they can go without risking someone seeing them. so dongmin turns off his car and sits in silence for only a moment before he's turning towards minhyuk and suddenly their lips are molded together. 

dongmin tastes slightly of sweat, like he usually did, considering this only ever happened after soccer. he manages to smell like the cologne minhyuk knows is the one he wears everyday, the scent lingering on his skin despite the fact that he's just spent an hour and a half on a field. his hands have found the sides of minhyuk's face, and minhyuk's are sliding to dongmin's shoulders and across his chest. 

they pull apart for a moment, panting as they try to catch their breath, foreheads still pressed together and noses brushing against one another. 

dongmin's lips are back on his as quickly as they'd left, both of them leaning further and further over the centre console, trying to get as close as possible to one another. 

all minhyuk can think about is how good dongmin's muscles feel under his hands and how  _good_ his lips feel pressed to minhyuk's own. the small voice from earlier creeps up on him, though, telling minhyuk that he's wrong to be making out with lee dongmin and that all of this is wrong. the voice reminds minhyuk that he shouldn't be kissing boys and that after dongmin leaves for university in a few months he's going to stop kissing boys. 

dongmin is different, the other half of minhyuk's brain tells him. dongmin isn't some  _boy_ he's lee dongmin. minhyuk doesn't just want to kiss lee dongmin or anything else that's simply  _physical_. minhyuk wants to hold dongmin's hand and cuddle with him and go on cute coffee dates. dongmin means  _more_ to minhyuk than just secret kisses and hidden exchanges. and he wishes he _didn't_ , he wishes all he wanted was to  _kiss_ dongmin, because maybe then they'd be in the same place, content to just use one another for small bits of time and then leave, coming back when they needed it and leaving when they didn't. 

“dongmin,” he breathes into the kiss, the older boys’ lips trailing his jaw gently. 

“hmm?” his lips don’t leave minhyuk’s skin and he doesn't notice the conflicted look settling onto his face. 

"dongmin." his voice is more serious, now, and dongmin finally pulls away, opening his eyes and staring at minhyuk through a half lidded gaze. 

"what's up, minhyuk?" 

"what," minhyuk hesitates, "what is this?" at the confused look on dongmin's face he continues, "i mean, what are," he pauses again, "what are we  _doing_? what  _are_ we?" 

dongmin freezes, then, a sigh falling from his lips, "i, i don't know," dongmin looks slightly annoyed, a look which isn't strange to minhyuk and his questions of insecurity and inadequacy and a need for something _more_ , "let's just-- can we not talk about it? i just," he presses his lips back to minhyuk's quickly, "i just want to focus on this, okay?" 

minhyuk nods numbly, heart clenching. he gets what dongmin is saying without the older boy having to say anything. they've had this non-conversation before. dongmin isn't interested in much else aside from someone to kiss him when he was upset or frustrated or desperate or anything in between. minhyuk doesn't really  _want_ to be used; he convinces himself it's okay, because he doesn't deserve dongmin, anyways, at least not in his own mind. 

dongmin's lips are back on minhyuk's as quickly as the start and his hands tug on minhyuk's jersey to pull him closer. minhyuk lets dongmin do pretty much whatever he wants, kissing him back just as eagerly, hoping his aching heart doesn't show in the way he blinks a few too many times when dongmin drops him off, or rubs his lips with the back of his hand roughly after dongmin has pulled away, trying to seem casual. 

he lets dongmin kiss him in his car after games and on the bleachers of a dimly lit field after practice and in the hidden quarters of each of their bedroom's for the next two-ish months. 

dongmin leaves for university in seoul at the end of the summer. the night he leaves, minhyuk goes to bin's and he cries against his best friend as he explains everything that had happened, finally  _broken_ , finally willing to admit that he's hurting, finally ready to let his best friend back in fully. 

dongmin doesn't message minhyuk again after that; bin isn't going to tell minhyuk that its probably because he had taken the boy's phone and blocked his number. 

dongmin doesn't deserve minhyuk, will never deserve minhyuk, has never deserved minhyuk; he'd never even come close, never even deserved him a little bit, never at all. 

bin doesn't think anything different of minhyuk. bin thinks that minhyuk is his best friend, that lee dongmin is a grade a prick, and that he wishes he had known; because he would've tried to make it better. 

minhyuk, in bin's opinion, deserves someone who will love him back as fiercely as he loves them; who will be equally as loyal and just as kind. minhyuk deserves a minhyuk, minhyuk deserves a _score_ , even if he doesn't exactly know that yet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed! i'm v sorry for the angst, but i think it fits with the story?? idk anyways v sorry lol !!
> 
> hmu on tumblr @lee-dongminhyuk :D


	3. nineteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> life, it seems, refuses to give minhyuk a score in his teenage years; holding it out for the future, when something, or someone, better can come along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyo small **warning** i talk about a dislocated knee in this chapter, not /super/ detailed but enough that it could make some people feel sick/uncomfortable so please don't force yourself to read it if it does!! it isn't /too/ bad bc i wouldn't have been able to write it if it was as that kinda stuff makes me feel rlly sick but just wanted to warn everyone just in case !! also !! swearing warning bc minhyuk swears a few times

_he's 19 and confused._  
_a tackle which had left him bedridden and anger, unable to play the one thing he truly loved any longer._  
_lost and not knowing what to do with his life anymore, stumbling blindly back onto a university campus._

 

+++

 

minhyuk was only ever seriously injured playing soccer once in his life.

the injury was career ending, for lack of a better term, forcing minhyuk to stop doing the one thing he loved the absolute most in the world.

playing for his university team had been hard. minhyuk was on a sports scholarship, specifically for soccer, training and playing with south korea's under twenty team while simultaneously playing for his school's team, as well.

bin is still by his side, or rather, _behind him_ on the field; the two of them having been invited to the national team during the season they were seventeen and offered the same university scholarship, managing to fill two of the limited spots themselves.

bin and minhyuk are both on their ways to becoming professional soccer players; each of them even having caught wind of possible K League teams interested in each of them once they finish school. minhyuk is prepared to become a full-time soccer player when he's done university,  _excited_ to become a soccer player; unable to think of anything else on the planet he would rather do. 

it's in a game for their school, that it happens. one minute minhyuk is chasing after the ball, running as quickly as he can in the direction of the net once he catches up to it, dribbling the ball between his feet and searching for his wingers to make a pass. he pauses for a moment on the field, planting his left foot and preparing himself to kick the ball in the direction of his right winger, jinwoo. the next thing minhyuk realizes, the defender from the other team has tackled him, his legs are taken out from under him, a cleat harshly pressed against his left knee. he barely hears the referee's whistle, doesn't see the red card given to the opposing player, doesn't realize much of anything going on around him.

all minhyuk can focus on is the pain is his knee, unable to decide whether he should grasp at the joint or continue to hit his fists off the ground as he buries his face in the grass. the field is relatively silent, in minhyuk's ears. he can hear the referee talking to him but doesn't know what he's saying. the first thing he comprehends is someone's hands on his back, the mixed tones of jinwoo and, somehow, bin's voice falling onto his ears. he strains to focus on the words coming from his best friend instead of the excruciating pain coming from his knee.

"minhyuk," bin breaths, "minhyuk, you're gonna be alright, okay? you have to be alright."

he lets out a groan, the team's trainer collapsing onto the ground next to him, shooing jinwoo and bin away slightly, not that bin moves; one of his hands finding it's way to minhyuk's and the other remaining on his back. "one to ten minhyuk, what kind of pain are we talking here? how bad?" 

"ten," minhyuk mutters between laboured breaths, "a hard fucking ten." 

"okay, okay, breathe," he replies. between the trainer and bin, minhyuk is flipped onto his back on the grass, letting out a hiss as he finally looks down at his leg. 

the sight makes him want to gag, his kneecap unwillingly made to sit on the  _inside_ of his thigh instead of in it's proper place; the joint already beginning to swell from the injury. 

the trainer sucks a breath in through his teeth as he carefully feels around his leg, trying to ensure he doesn't injure minhyuk more than he's already been injured. he reaches into his bag after a few moments, pulling out an ice pack and carefully situating it around minhyuk's knee in a way which he hopes will bring the swelling down while simultaneously avoid causing minhyuk any further pain. 

"you're going to need to go to the hospital," he mutters, "it looks like you have a dislocated kneecap." 

the trainer sits up, calling over the volunteer ambulance team which attends every game in case of injuries like this one. minhyuk brings his open arm up to cover his eyes, squeezing them tightly shut as he tries to deal with the pain of part of his joint being completely out of place. 

"i'm going with him," bin says to the trainer, letting go of minhyuk's hand and undoing the velcro at the end of his gloves in order to take them off. 

"no, bin, you're going to go back in net, come on," the trainer stands up as the crew reach minhyuk, trying to guide bin back in the direction of his goal as minhyuk is carefully lifted onto a stretcher.  

"that's my  _brother_ ," bin snaps back quickly without really thinking about it, frustrated and concerned and looking like he might cry, "i can't just leavehim on his own." 

he struggles slightly against the trainer who has now grabbed onto his arm, jinwoo also coming over to try and calm bin down slightly. 

"bin," minhyuk tries to grab his attention, " _bin_ , stop it. i'll be fine, okay? you go stand in that net and don't let  _anything_ in, alright? win this one for me." 

the trainer lets go and bin rushes to be directly beside minhyuk as the crew work on immobilizing his leg in order to travel to the hospital, " _minhyuk_ ," bin tries to insist, but his friend shushes him quickly. 

"you can come see me right after the game is done. besides, they're going to put my kneecap back into place which you won't wanna see. and then they're probably going to do an x-ray or an mri and you won't be allowed around me for those things, anyways." 

bin opens his mouth to protest but one look from minhyuk makes him close it, he nods quickly, allowing minhyuk to be rolled away on the stretcher and into the ambulance sitting in the parking lot. 

hospitals are minhyuk's least favourite place on earth. being in one for someone else is something minhyuk dislikes; being in one for hours on end for  _himself_ is something minhyuk _hates_. 

"this is stupid," he mutters for what feels like the hundredth time. 

"what's stupid is that defender going for a tackle like that," bin says for the fourth time in the last twenty minutes, "i can't even  _believe_ someone would go after someone's knee like that, what kind of sick fuc-"

"calm down, bin. at least nothing bad happene-"

" _nothing bad_? minhyuk were you not  _listening_ to the doctor when he just came in here, you might never play soccer again, or at least not to the same level as before, do you realize what that means?"

"of course i realize what that means, bin," he says back, rolling his eyes at his best friend. 

" _do you_ , minhyuk? because you sure aren't acting like i-"

"because i'm scared bin," he snaps, voice raising to a volume much higher than bin's had been, shocking the slightly older boy, "i'm  _so_ fucking scared, bin. soccer is my entire life, it's what i want to do, what  _we_ want to do, you know that. if i can never play soccer again, or even never play again in the way i have been, i don't know what i'll  _do_ with myself. i, i, i think i might  _die_ if that happened." 

bin looks guilty now, a look of sorrow and a hint of pity playing on his face, "i'm sorry, minhyuk, i wasn't thinking; it's just, god, this has always been our thing and i mean, you've been hurt before but seeing you out there, today? just seeing that guy take out your knee like that and seeing you on the ground? it was  _hard._ and i was helpless to do anything besides watch from my net and i just," bin pauses, "i wish it had been  _me_. you don't deserve any of this, it _should've_ been me." 

"it should've been lee dongmin," he jokes quickly, trying to lighten the mood slightly; though bin simply frowns in distaste, "you shouldn't wish injury on people." 

minhyuk rolls his eyes, "yes mom, sorry mom." 

"if you're gonna call me mom i hope you're finishing that sentence with an i love you." 

"love you, mom." minhyuk has a grin playing on his face as he says it, slight giggles tumbling from bin's lips in response. 

"love you too, son." he ruffles minhyuk's hair from his chair beside the bed, the ringing of his phone startling both of them. 

"mom's calling," he mutters, turning the phone in minhyuk's direction to show the name  _mrs. park_ lighting up the screen. 

he talks to minhyuk's mom quickly, filling her in on whatever it is they didn't know, informing her of what hospital they were at and the other details about where they were. he hands minhyuk the phone before the call ends, allowing his best friend to talk to his mom for a moment, watching carefully as minhyuk bites his lip roughly to stop it from shaking at whatever his mother is saying. 

the next few months are a blur. minhyuk is released from the hospital later that night with strict instructions for icing the joint, staying off of it, and taking anti-inflammatories every few hours. then comes the time spent needing to be off of his knee; sitting and watching the rest of the season pass by from the bench, forced to be on crutches in the early part of december and struggling with the snow covering the ground. in the later few weeks of recovery, he starts attending physiotherapy, trying to strengthen the muscles in his left leg and knee once again. 

it's difficult, a struggle the entire way through and unsatisfying, because even when he thinks he's going to start getting better there's another setback or problem or something else in the way. an uneasy feeling settles over minhyuk in the sixth week since he dislocated it, a feeling that maybe he isn't going to be able to go back to soccer any time soon, maybe ever. 

he rehabs and rehabs and rehabs until spring comes around and training starts again. his knee is better, tires less easily than it had a few months earlier and can do what it used to almost perfectly once more, still causing him pain sometimes because of torn ligaments as a result of the dislocation but his doctor had informed him those would never go away; so minhyuk dealt. 

or rather, minhyuk tried to deal. he wanted everything to be perfectly fine, and he tried to pretend that it was; but his coaches and his teammates and  _bin_ , especially, could tell that he was hurting at times, sharp stabs of pain running up his leg and knee if he moved it a certain way or tried to do certain things. minhyuk went to practice every day nonetheless, pushing himself as hard as he could to try and get back into the swing of training for the season. 

it's a week before the first game when his coach talks to him, "minhyuk." 

"what's going on, coach lee?" 

"i," his coach pauses, a look of sadness and guilt on his face, "i don't know how to say this, exactly, and i'm  _sorry_ to say this but we think it's best if you sit the first few weeks of the season." 

minhyuk's eyes widen drastically as soon as he says it, " _what_?" 

"well," the coach starts to explain, "it's just, you're clearly in pain during practices, and the risk for you getting hurt again is higher since you've only just recovered; and we really don't want anything to be worse for you, that would hurt the team just as much as it would you. you're an asset to this team and an important part, we only want what's best." 

minhyuk nods numbly, unsure of how he's going to function as a  _bench_ player for more of the season now that he's better. it had been difficult when he was still hobbling around on crutches to sit on the side and watch the team play; it was going to be  _hell_ to watch them play now that he knew he, to some extent, could too. 

minhyuk sits as a substitute for the first game of the season, then the second, and the third, and the fourth. his coach, his doctor and the trainer keep him restricted to three practices a week, trying to prevent him from hurting himself more in any way. 

in the sixth game of the season, minhyuk finally gets a chance to play. the backup striker is tackled by a player on the other team. it isn't anything bad, just a twisted ankle, but he needs to come off and they need someone to substitute on. minhyuk practically begs his coach to let him go play striker once more, ready to get on his knees and plead if he needed to, just this side of desperate when it came to wanting to play. 

his coach agrees with a hesitant nod after conferring with the training, the two deciding minhyuk can play for the last fifteen minutes or so of the game. he takes his place up front in the striker position, gearing himself up to play for the first time in way too long. 

the game goes well, bin claps him on the back, wrapping him in a huge hug as soon as the game is over and jinwoo high fives him way too many times, an endless stream of "good job minhyuk's" flowing from his lips. minhyuk smiles back at all of them, thanks them for their compliments, but shares a knowing look with his coach; one which says all minhyuk needs to say and more in one gaze. 

minhyuk can no longer play soccer. 

it's not that he's still in pain, because for the most part, he's perfectly the fine. the problem lies in the fact that minhyuk's muscles in his left leg are weak, much weaker than they ever were before and no amount of physiotherapy can fix that, necessarily. his only option left to fix the problem is surgery on his knee to help fix up the ligaments he tore properly, restoring them back to what they were before medically. it's a viable option, but surgery comes with consequences, too, and minhyuk isn't exactly looking for them despite the fact that it'll also heal him. 

so minhyuk makes the hardest decision of his life and quits soccer; he loses his sports scholarship, managing to remain at the school simply as a  _student_ , no longer a student  _athlete_. he sees bin less and less, his best friend caught between practices for the school team and practices for the national team and being in university in general. minhyuk doesn't know what to do with himself anymore. 

he doesn't know what he wants to study, doesn't know what he wants to  _do_ after university now that his dream has been ripped out from under him, doesn't really know anything, anymore, it seems. 

minhyuk wonders to himself why life seems to hate him. life couldn't have made things easy for him at all, for some reason. it made him abnormal (in his mind) in that he liked boys, something he still struggled with and tried to ignore; especially after lee dongmin, who minhyuk doesn't really like to think about. 

life, too, had to screw him over by taking away the one thing he loved most and dedicated his whole life to and wanted to do; soccer. 

life, it seems, refuses to give minhyuk a score in his teenage years; holding it out for the future, when something, or someone, better can come along. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a little shorter and slightly unedited and also idk if the ending rlly makes sense but bear with me lol. i hope you enjoyed, also i'm not entirely sure about the accuracy of everything i talked about with his injury so pls don't quote me bc i honestly don't know despite having spent a good hour researching what i could lmao. 
> 
> hmu on tumblr @lee-dongminhyuk !! :')


	4. twenty three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when he climbs back in the car, sanha wraps him in his arms despite the fact that he met minhyuk only a few hours ago, lets him cry on his shoulder and tells minhyuk that he’s proud and that everything will be okay.
> 
> bin thinks to himself that yoon sanha is minhyuk’s score, minhyuk just doesn’t know it yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> angst tbh, a little **warning** bc this chapter basically describes a manipulative relationship. if anything about that bothers you, please please please do not read this. aside from that, enjoy (as much as it's possible to enjoy).

_he's 23 and a suit and tie._   
_graduating a year later than everyone else his age and unhappy in his career path, still longing to change the past and rewrite his life._   
_blindly navigating a relationship that isn't good for him and meeting someone new, someone who might just understand._

 

+++

 

graduation. four (technically _five_ ) long years for a slip of paper which minhyuk isn't necessarily sure what to do with. 

bin isn't there-- has been playing as the starting goalie for the international team since his third year and more recently for the team in seoul from the k league which inevitably picked him up. there's also the fact that he graduated the year before, minhyuk having taken a year off after his somewhat disastrous first year to try and figure out what exactly it is he wanted to do being that soccer was no longer an option. 

he'd settled on studying kinesiology, hopeful that studying something related to sports might satisfy his desperation to  _play_ them. 

it hadn't so far, and jiho, with his entirely _practical_ , according to him, degree in accounting wasn't always pleased with what minhyuk had decided to study; or so it seemed. 

minhyuk had met kim jiho in his gap year. jiho was a year older than minhyuk, the same age as dongmin had been, in his third year of studying accounting at the university minhyuk had taken a break from attending. they'd met at the cafe in which minhyuk had taken up a job as a barista, back when he and bin still shared a small apartment not far from the university campus or minhyuk's work. 

jiho had been somewhat of a regular, picking up a latte or some other drink on his way to different classes nearly every morning. at first, minhyuk hadn't really noticed him. sure, minhyuk had noticed that jiho was attractive; he had nicely styled black hair, sparkling brown eyes, a wide smile, and a voice somewhat comparable to honey, in minhyuk's opinion. minhyuk hadn't noticed, however, that jiho always seemed to be flirting with him. it had started as simply nice comments and compliments, jiho always extremely polite when minhyuk served him; eventually, though, it had bled into small jokes as minhyuk made his coffee, quick one liners before he left and cheesy pickup lines which had minhyuk laughing and smiling his way through jiho's order. 

at some point, after about a month of this, jiho had plucked up the courage to leave minhyuk his number. after a deliberate inner battle and quick talk with bin, minhyuk had ended up sending him a text-- he had just said hey, told jiho it was minhyuk, from the coffeeshop, and things had gone from there. 

in the beginning, jiho had been an incredible boyfriend. he was sweet, always doing small but romantic things for the younger boy; he would pick up minhyuk from work and walk him home after some of his shifts, cook dinner for him when minhyuk was feeling especially tired, leave little post-its with sweet messages in minhyuk's bedroom if he stayed the night, and even sometimes bought minhyuk flowers, which he would place happily in a vase and leave on his and bin's kitchen counter. jiho had been patient, understanding in the fact that minhyuk still sometimes thought of himself as  _wrong_ for liking boys and wanting to kiss them and even dating one, wouldn't push minhyuk to hold his hand or kiss him in public, would reassure minhyuk that it was okay when he refused to call jiho his _boyfriend_ to anyone aside from bin, would comfort minhyuk as he broke down about it; guilty and full of hatred and disgust, all for  _himself_. jiho understood, after all, he had struggled with his own sexuality as a teenager, only having come to terms with it when he left for university. 

jiho had been the perfect boyfriend-- kind and funny and doting and loving, and minhyuk had been equally as amazing.

at some point after their one year anniversary, though, jiho had started to change. sure, he was still sweet, continued to cuddle with minhyuk as they watched movies and took breaks from his extremely busy schedule to spend time with him and even continued to buy minhyuk small things he recalled the boy mentioning he wanted to buy for himself as surprises. jiho had remained funny and doting to minhyuk's every whim and was just as loving as he'd always been. but jiho had also begun to lose his patience, it seemed, and he acted a little more selfishly and a lot more jealously.

when minhyuk would refuse to hold his hand in public, or pull away when he saw someone looking too closely, jiho would usually let him go, a small smile of understand on his lips. after a year, though, it seemed jiho was overall annoyed with minhyuk whenever he'd do this, and on occasion had even gripped minhyuk's hand so tightly when he tried to pull away that the younger boy just  _couldn't_. each time this happened, with someone's gaze on their intertwined fingers, minhyuk's heart would race in his chest and guilt and self-hatred would claw at his stomach and throat and jiho didn't seem to care; or if he  _did_ , he had a funny way of showing it. minhyuk had  _told_ him that he just wasn't exactly comfortable, yet, when they'd returned to jiho's apartment, and the older boy had kissed his forehead and wrapped him in his arms and explained,  _i just thought it'd be good to face your fear head on, minhyuk, i love you and i just want to be able to hold your hand when we're walking; you love me too, don't you, minhyuk?_

when minhyuk had started attending university again, as jiho started his fourth year, he seemed a little _competitive_ with the younger boy, frequently comparing their grades and the difficulty of their subjects and assignments. he was constantly pushing minhyuk to do better in school, putting him down if he did poorly on a test and making up for minhyuk's hurt feelings with kisses and cuddles and hugs later, an apology falling from his lips and a mumbled out,  _i just want you to do well, minhyuk, i love you and i don't mean to hurt your feelings_. 

jiho started to spend more and more time at bin and minhyuk's apartment, too, making offhanded comments about how minhyuk preferred spending time with bin over his own boyfriend; clearly jealous of the close friendship the two had. minhyuk reassured him time and time again that he loved spending time with him, that nothing was going on with him and bin, specifically because his best friend was  _straight_ , and that jiho had nothing to be worried about. jiho believed his words for a short time, allowing himself to be comforted by them until bin would return from a practice; and then he would purposely kiss minhyuk, obnoxiously for the most part, while bin was in the room; often making him uncomfortable enough in his  _own home_ for bin to decide to leave and spend some time at jinwoo's, instead. jiho had even once gone as far as making sure to tease minhyuk  _in front of bin_ after he spent the night, a few mumbles of,  _last night was tiring_ ,  _i had a good time_ ,  _you should cover the marks on your neck before someone sees_. minhyuk had been entirely uncomfortable and embarrassed and jiho had only stopped when minhyuk finally told him it was enough. he made up for this, too, with kisses and cuddles and hugs and said,  _i love you, minhyuk, i just get jealous sometimes because you and bin have been so close for so long_. 

minhyuk doesn't know why he believes jiho over and over again, but he does; because things with jiho make sense. plus, jiho is his first boyfriend and he reminds minhyuk of this, every so often; reminds him that it'd been  _jiho_ who had been patient and taken things slowly with him, that it'd been  _jiho_ who had taken his virginity on the night of their six month anniversary, that it was  _jiho_ who loved him. minhyuk isn't exactly sure how relationships are supposed to work because this is his first one, and he wonders if it's normal for him and jiho to disagree so often and only do things _his_ way, but jiho reassures him over and over that they're okay,  _i love you, minhyuk, and honestly, our relationship is really good, ours is the best of all of the people i know_. 

minhyuk believes him, because he has nothing else to compare it to, and maybe jiho is right, maybe they  _are_ okay. jiho makes him happy and jiho is kind and loving and doting and minhyuk manages to convince himself over and over that he just needs to listen to jiho and believe what he says-- because jiho is older and clearly has more experience and obviously knows what he's talking about. and their relationship is _good_ , all things considered. and minhyuk begins to feel guilty, too, because jiho is  _good_ to him and he buys minhyuk flowers and presents and helps him with work and tells him he loves him all of the time; and minhyuk shouldn't  _feel_ like something is wrong with a relationship with someone who clearly cares about him so much. 

bin tries to tell minhyuk time and time again that the relationship wasn't exactly the greatest, and minhyuk agrees, for bin's sake; but then jiho will tell minhyuk that he loves him, all soft words over a candlelit dinner, or he brings minhyuk flowers, white daisies because they're his favourite, or the two fight and make up, hands gripping at skin and lips molded together, and minhyuk falls into him again, convincing himself that this was okay, because jiho was human and humans were flawed and that made it okay. minhyuk thinks bin is overreacting, and even his  _own_ doubts must be overreactions; and he must be in the  _wrong_ , to question a relationship with someone so loving and caring. 

when bin graduates, he decides to move in with jinwoo, because jinwoo's apartment is closer to where bin plays and practices and him and jinwoo play on the same team, so it just makes sense, he tells minhyuk. he promises to still call every day, and that he'll come visit because minhyuk is his  _brother_ , of course they won't be able to stay apart. but minhyuk can't afford their place on his own so rounding on his and jiho's three year anniversary, the older boy convinces minhyuk to move in with him with a few more of his well-timed words,  _we've been together for three years now, minhyuk, i love you and now that you can't afford your place, don't you think it just makes sense for us to live together?_

minhyuk isn't exactly sure he's 100%  _comfortable_ living with jiho, but he doesn't have much choice now that bin has moved out; minhyuk is low on friends aside from jinwoo and bin, who now live together, and jiho, of course, who lives on his own. he decides to do it, though, despite his hesitation because he does love jiho, and he cares about him a lot, and jiho makes him  _happy_ , for the most part. there's only some times where jiho makes him feel bad, but he quickly covers it up with kisses and hugs and cuddles and minhyuk feels okay again. 

after minhyuk moves in with him, however, jiho becomes the slightest bit _worse_ , and minhyuk isn't sure if maybe he's been this bad the whole time and minhyuk just didn't notice because he spent enough time away from his boyfriend. at first, things are fine, jiho and minhyuk go about their daily routines-- minhyuk to classes and the part-time job he still has at the cafe and jiho leaving each morning at 7:00 for his  _own,_  full-timejob at the company which he works as an accountant. 

jiho is still a  _good_ boyfriend, don't get minhyuk wrong; he buys minhyuk gifts and massages his hands when they get sore from drawing diagrams for biology or typing out long essays and labs, and he takes minhyuk on nice dates to restaurants and the movies and bowling, and he watches soccer games with minhyuk on television despite the fact he doesn't particularly enjoy the sport. he accompanies minhyuk to bin and jinwoo's games from time to time and comforts him when he cries about missing his parents or his desperation to play soccer once again, wanting nothing more in the world than the ability to play the sport for the rest of his life like he'd been planning since he was fifteen.

minhyuk is equally as sweet; he massages knots from jiho's shoulders after the older boy has been sitting at his desk all day, and tries to make sure dinner is on the table when jiho gets back to the apartment when he's been working on a big project, and he goes out grocery shopping without being asked when their shelves look a little empty. minhyuk runs jiho unexpected baths on friday's during weeks he's particularly stressed, and watches jiho's favourite tv shows and movies even though he doesn't always understand or enjoy them, completely. 

jiho, though, starts to act like he doesn't trust minhyuk even though the two live together; he always wants to know where minhyuk is and who he's with and often tags along without invitation, justifying himself by saying, _i love you, minhyuk, and_   _i just want to make sure that you're safe._

jiho also begins to question minhyuk's choice in studying kinesiology, questioning him multiple times over dinner about what exactly he's going to do when he's done school and whether he's started looking for any jobs. in a particular bad instance, he had told minhyuk he was still stuck on a stupid, childhood dream, and that he needed to realize he couldn't play soccer anymore and needed to get over it and be more realistic. when minhyuk had become justifiably angry, jiho had calmed him down with kisses and cuddles and hugs, calculated and clearly planned words falling from his lips between them,  _i love you, minhyuk, and i just want to look out for you and make sure you get a good job when school is done, like mine; i'm just trying to make sure you have a plan._

jiho seems to become especially frustrated when minhyuk begins spending time away from their apartment in order to spend more and more time at jinwoo and bin's apartment. 

jinwoo, who minhyuk hadn't even known was gay, had begun dating a boy named kim myungjun. of course, minhyuk liked going to their apartment to spend time with bin and jinwoo, but he was increasingly beginning to enjoy spending time with myungjun. 

myungjun is four years older than him and an artist, working at a gallery downtown as a guide but hoping to one day have his pieces on display in the building. myungjun has a loud laugh and bright smile and welcomes minhyuk into his life with open arms, opening him up to a whole lot of impromptu adventures when he decides he wants food or just to get out of the house. 

being around myungjun and jinwoo so much introduces him to a relationship much different from his own. myungjun and jinwoo seem more like  _equals_ than minhyuk has ever felt like he was with jiho; neither of them ask one another for permission before they do things, like minhyuk was used to doing with jiho, and neither of them ever get jealous when the other spends a lot of time with someone else-- particularly when bin and jinwoo spend a lot of time together and when minhyuk and myungjun spend a lot of time together. jinwoo and myungjun apologize when they've done something wrong, and it's weird for minhyuk to hear apologies from  _both_ of them after a disagreement, used to simply hearing jiho's deliberate explanations prefaced with i love you's, and his own apologies after he makes jiho upset. 

as minhyuk nears his graduation, jiho begins to get upset with him over the simplest things. 

when minhyuk wants to go hang out at bin's, jiho insists he stay home and study for his final exams, even if jiho himself isn't home,  _i love you, minhyuk, and your final exams are important, you shouldn't waste time with some dumb athletes; besides, i'll know if you leave._

jiho had stopped referring to their apartment as  _their_ apartment, too, after minhyuk had accidentally left the door unlocked in a rush to leave for class once, instead referring to it as _his_ apartment and insisting that minhyuk only lived there because  _he_ allowed it,  _i love you, minhyuk, but you have to be careful when you leave my apartment because i don't want my stuff to be stolen; if you do it again, i'll take away your key and you won't be able to come and go as you please._

jiho even started to discourage him from spending time with his friends, including bin who minhyuk considered his  _family_. when minhyuk came back late from their apartment, once, smiling widely and unaware that jiho had been texting him for a while now demanding to know where he was, jiho had gotten upset with him, basically giving him a lecture as if he were his parent,  _i love you, minhyuk, but don't you think you should spend more time with me; i barely see you because we've both been working so hard and i just want to spend time with you when i come home from work instead of coming home to an empty house while you waste your time with them. i'm enough, aren't i, minhyuk? you still love me, don't you?_

minhyuk had reassured jiho that night that he loved him, and that he was enough; lips pressed to his and bodies intertwined beneath jiho's sheets because that's how _jiho_ liked to resolve things. minhyuk muttered an apology, agreeing to spend more time with jiho instead of going out with myungjun and jinwoo and bin all the time, he curled up on his side after they had made up, back to jiho as he pulled out his phone to send myungjun a text; his boyfriend sleeping soundly somewhere behind him. 

he told myungjun they couldn't hang out for the rest of the week, because jiho had missed him and wanted to spend some time together before minhyuk's final exams the week after. myungjun had texted him back concerned, wondering why spending time with a boyfriend who worked an 8:00-6:00 shift meant he couldn't hangout for the next two weeks. minhyuk had made an excuse, feeling guilty after everything jiho had told him; like a terrible boyfriend because, really, why was he spending so much time away from the man he was supposed to love-- who loved him?

he doesn't see myungjun or jinwoo or bin all week, doesn't talk to them aside from a few texts. he catches jiho looking through his phone three nights later and immediately becomes defensive because that's  _his_ phone and jiho has no right to be on it without his permission. of course, jiho excuses the situation with a few quick words,  _i love you, minhyuk, but i just wanted to make sure you haven't been lying to me; i can't be with someone who's lying, you know, and if you lied to me then we'd have to break up and you would have to leave my apartment and where would you go, minhyuk? i have to be able to trust you._

minhyuk learns to delete all of his conversations with myungjun, jinwoo and bin after that, not that he talks to them very often. the more time minhyuk spends at the apartment, as his finals pass and graduation looms, the happier jiho seems to be; clearly aware that minhyuk is spending more and more time away from his friends. 

finally, after his graduation, jiho seems to relax a little. he even takes minhyuk away for the weekend to celebrate graduating, lets him go out to a bar with bin and jinwoo and myungjun, too. this outing is where minhyuk meets one of myungjun's friends, yoon sanha. 

yoon sanha is a year younger than minhyuk, about to start his fourth year of university where he also happens to be studying kinesiology, hoping to become a team doctor for a sports team, much like minhyuk had wanted to do before jiho had reminded him that it wasn't a reasonable job,  _i love you, minhyuk, but a team doctor requires so much travelling and we'd always be apart; do you really want to be away so often, minhyuk?_

minhyuk had been convinced, feeling guilty for even debating the career because jiho was right, he shouldn't want to be so far away from his boyfriend, from the person who he loved and who loved him. jiho had instead convinced him to take up a job as an assistant in a physiotherapists office not far from their apartment. 

they end up back at bin and jinwoo's apartment, and minhyuk is somewhere without jiho for the first time in  _weeks_  and he has what most would consider a breakdown. bin asks him why he's been so distant, and minhyuk simply starts crying. quickly, three sets of arms wrap around him and bin whispers soothing words in his ear while sanha uncomfortably stands on; just this side of confused as to what's going on and unsure of what the right social protocol is. 

minhyuk explains how everything with jiho was  _good,_ that jiho was a good boyfriend but then minhyuk started spending time around jinwoo and myungjun and everything with jiho just felt  _wrong_. he tries to explain all the good things jiho does, but to his friends it sounds more like he's trying to convince  _himself_ that jiho is a good boyfriend. 

sanha, who had remained quiet the entire time buts in bluntly when minhyuk is done, and no one else has anything to say, "he sounds like an asshole." 

minhyuk quickly defends jiho, because he's his boyfriend and that's what he's supposed to do, annoyed that someone who doesn't even  _know_ them would try and insult him, "you don't even  _know_ him, you have no right to say that about hi-" 

"he's right, minhyuk." 

his gaze snaps to myungjun, shocked, because the older boy was never so direct in criticizing people. 

"myungjun and sanha are right," jinwoo adds quickly, backing them up when minhyuk tries to open his mouth to protest. 

"you shouldn't need permission to hang out with your friends, that isn't  _normal_. jiho is so manipulative and it  _hurts me_ , hyuk, to see him hurting you like that; and you don't even realize he's doing it, because he covers it up with confessions of love and presents and bullshit excuses." 

"bin," jinwoo warns as minhyuk's best friend begins to get angrier and angrier. 

"i'm right, though, jinwoo," bin pauses, "i know this is hard to hear, minhyuk, but you  _need_ to hear it, okay? jiho is a _terrible_  boyfriend. sure, he'd been good in the beginning, and there's flashes of good every once in a while, but he is  _not_ a good boyfriend, alright?" 

"but he  _loves_ me, bin." 

"he doesn't," sanha answers quickly, all of them suddenly realizing the boy is still there. 

minhyuk narrows his eyes at the stranger, myungjun telling sanha to be quiet with a look but the boy doesn't usually listen to myungjun, so why would he start now?

"no, hyung, bin hyung is right; and i'm not afraid to say this because my point of view is about as objective as it gets, i have no connection to  _either_ of them." 

minhyuk regards the younger boy carefully as he pauses for a moment, cheeks red, "that's not what  _love_ is, minhyuk. love makes sacrifices and love _gives,_ it doesn't  _take_ all of the time. love respects you and treats you as an equal and doesn't force you to do things you don't want to. this jiho may think he  _loves_ you, and heck, he clearly has you believing that, too, but i can promise you; he doesn't, at least not properly, and _clearly_ not how you _deserve_ to be loved."

all of them remain silent, minhyuk a little shocked at sanha's honesty; but the boy is  _right_ and bin is  _right_ and jinwoo and myungjun are  _right_ and minhyuk  _knows_ _it_. jiho is an asshole, and jiho doesn't really love minhyuk and minhyuk isn't sure why he'd let himself be convinced that he  _did_ because he's known all along that this wasn't right. 

"i don't know what to do," minhyuk mutters, voice small, head falling to his hands. 

"dump his sorry ass," myungjun blurts out, his usual personality beginning to spill into the serious situation as they all laugh lightly. 

"but where will i  _go,_ hyung? if you hadn't noticed, i live with him; and i don't have anywhere else to go." 

they all pause, realizing the reality of the situation, too; that jiho probably wouldn't be easy to break up with, and if minhyuk managed to do it, he would definitely be left without a home. 

"you could live with me," sanha blurts once again and they all turn to him quickly. 

he begins explaining himself rapidly, "my roommate moved out at the end of the year and he isn't planning on moving back and i was  _going_ to find a new one but i mean,  _minhyuk_ could be my new roommate, that isn't a big deal; if he's friends with you guys, i trust him." 

minhyuk nearly starts crying in relief, because not only is he slowly gaining the confidence to do this, he  _has an out_. 

"let's go dump someone's ass," jinwoo exclaims excitedly, but minhyuk just feels sick. 

they pile into jinwoo's car a few minutes later, minhyuk slowly becoming more and more nervous, reconsidering and reconsidering because this isn't going to be  _easy_. even if jiho doesn't love him  _normally_ , they still do love each other. jiho and minhyuk have still been dating for  _nearly four years_ and he's  _important_ to minhyuk. 

"you can do it," sanha suddenly encourages him from the middle seat, a hand on his arm, "it's hard now but, it'll get better, this will be better for you in the long run, minhyuk."

minhyuk nods, still feeling sick. he doesn't know how he's going to do this, but with a car full of friends ready to support him, he thinks maybe he's going to be okay. 

minhyuk returns to the car after way too long and jinwoo had been prepared to go into jiho's apartment after him, there are tears on his cheeks and some of his belongings are in his arms. when he climbs back in the car, sanha wraps him in his arms despite the fact that he met minhyuk only a few hours ago, lets him cry on his shoulder and tells minhyuk that he's  _proud_ and that everything will be okay. 

bin thinks to himself that yoon sanha is minhyuk's score, minhyuk just doesn't know it yet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as usual, unedited pls bear with me!
> 
> hmu on tumblr @lee-dongminhyuk


	5. twenty five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> minhyuk thinks to himself, that night, with sanha asleep in his arms, that yoon sanha is most definitely another one of his scores; he isn’t sure why it took him so long to realize that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so !! we are one chapter away from the end of this fic. i'm hoping the last chapter will be done before my final exams start in two weeks and then i'll start updating my billion other fics again bc i am a whole flop at working on things. enjoy this chapter tho!!

_he's 25 and slicked back hair._   
_settling into a new house and new job, slowly rebuilding a life he's happy with._   
_only a year into a new relationship and already discussing the future, grasping at sheets of hope and happiness finally appearing around him._

 

+++

 

living with sanha had been weird when minhyuk first moved in.

for one, the two barely knew each other, and minhyuk had gone from living with jiho to living with sanha about two hours after meeting the younger boy. minhyuk was so thankful to sanha, that he had been so willing to let someone who was practically a stranger move in with him. unfortunately, though, his thankfulness didn't make anything less awkward, at first, especially because minhyuk was heartbroken and hurting when he first moved in; a combination not great when coupled with the fact that both sanha and minhyuk were slightly socially inept at times.

there was also the fact that minhyuk was a stuttering stumbling mess around sanha at times, which, once minhyuk wasn't distracted by his own relationship troubles and actually paid attention, was caused by the fact that sanha was irresistibly cute. minhyuk had noticed this almost immediately after moving in, one morning, when sanha had shuffled out of his bedroom with messy hair and tired eyes and had simply dropped onto the couch in the living room nearly on top of minhyuk, asking if he could drink the coffee minhyuk had made from his place curled up against him. 

the older boy had furrowed his brows, both at sanha's actions and his question, "i made it for me, though, and i already drank some of it so i don't know if you want to--" 

"i'm too tired to go to the kitchen and your coffee is  _right there_ plus the couch is warm because  _you're_ here and you're always warm, minhyuk, and it's  _freezing_ out here and i promise i'll get you a new cup once i'm  _ready_ to go to the kitchen but right now i just want to be warm, can i  _please_ just stay here for now and have some of yours?" 

sanha's voice had been near a whine and minhyuk had found himself nodding without words, cheeks bright red from sanha's comments about wanting to be on the couch because  _minhyuk_ was there and unable to refuse his request, anyways. it was odd to hear someone wanted to be somewhere simply because he was, too. 

the rest of the initial weirdness minhyuk had felt moving in with sanha had been caused by jiho.

to start, jiho hadn't really seemed to accept that minhyuk could just break up with him after four years "like it was nothing" (his words, not minhyuk's), and in the first few weeks after minhyuk had barely managed to do it, jiho had insistently bothered him with apologies and confessions of love, asking minhyuk to reconsider and to "come back home". 

sanha had walked in, many times in those first few weeks, to minhyuk pacing around the living room on his phone. he, of course, couldn't hear  _jiho's_ side of the conversation, but based on minhyuk's expressions and answers he was able to guess what was being said. 

jiho always started his phone calls the same way, asking how minhyuk was. "i'm fine, jiho, how are you?" 

"that's good, that you're fine, i mean. i, uhh, i just, i miss you, minhyuk and i lov--" 

"jiho." 

"just hear me out, please, minhyuk, i know i wasn't the greatest boyfriend all of the time but i can be better. i promise, just, give me a _chance_ to be better." 

minhyuk would grimace, trying to steel his resolve, "i don't think that's the greatest idea." the answer is always stuttered, because jiho was still minhyuk's first boyfriend and, compared to lee dongmin, jiho had cared about him  _so much_ , and minhyuk would forever be a little weak when it came to the older boy. 

"why not? i love you, minhyuk, and i  _know_ i can be better. besides, do you  _really_ want to throw away four years, minhyuk? didn't you love me, don't you  _still_ love me, at least a little bit, minhyuk?" 

minhyuk would remain silent, at that, heart racing in his chest because maybe jiho was  _right_ , like he always seemed to be. maybe minhyuk was too hasty in breaking up with him and he should've just  _talked_ to jiho instead of ending things and minhyuk  _did_ love him,  _still_ loved him, despite everything. 

sanha had learned that, in his silence, minhyuk needed reassurance that he'd done the right thing; and from wherever he happened to be, he would give minhyuk an encouraging nod and smile, mouthing an  _it's okay, you can do this_ , to minhyuk as he waited for him to hang up. 

"because it  _isn't_ a good idea jiho. we're done, okay? just, stop calling me," a pause, "and texting me. i don't want to hear from you anymore, we're," another pause, "we're  _done_ , jiho, alright?" 

minhyuk would hang up before jiho could say anything substantial in response, feeling guilty for hanging up on him while he was still talking but knowing much too well that he would probably end up giving in if he didn't stop talking to jiho quickly.

the phone calls asking for him back, and promising minhyuk he could be better weren't even the worst; because the worst came when jiho called him upset, and even sometimes, angry, that minhyuk had broken up with him. 

those were the worst because they often simply became jiho insulting minhyuk, using the things he'd learned over the years made minhyuk upset and throwing them back in his face, in varying ways. 

one of these phone calls had happened to be answered by sanha. minhyuk had fallen asleep on the couch while the two were watching a drama, exhausted because jiho hadn't left him alone all night the night before. his phone had rang and without looking, assuming it was just one of the guys, sanha had answered, his voice very obviously  _not_ minhyuk's. 

"hello?" 

"hi? minhyuk?" jiho had sounded confused, and not recognizing the voice at all, sanha had pulled the phone away from his face to check who he was talking to. he quickly tensed up reading jiho's name from the screen. 

"uhhh, minhyuk is sleeping, right now," sanha paused, debating ending it there but getting ahead of himself before his brain could catch up to his mouth moving, "and you shouldn't be calling him, anyways, he's asked you to stop." 

jiho had scoffed, "and who are you, his new boyfriend?"

sanha had tried to deny the accusation but jiho had continued before he could, "of course he's already moved on to a new guy," another scoff, "has he let you  _fuck him_  yet or is he going to make you wait six months, too?"

sanha doesn't know what to say, feels his mouth fall open in shock at jiho's words, anger bubbling in his chest and the hand not holding minhyuk's phone clenching into a fist. 

he wants to say  _how dare you_ , debates simply telling jiho he's an asshole and hanging up, but somehow the words spilling from his lips do something completely different. 

"don't you  _dare_ talk about him like that, don't," sanha pauses, chest heaving, breathing uneven with how upset he is, "you have  _no right_ to say that about him and, even if i  _am_ ," sanha stumbles, awkward, not wanting to speak as crudely as jiho had but still too caught up in his anger to really think about his words, "if i am, having, if i'm having sex with, with minhyuk, it isn't like  _you're_ going to ever again, okay? do you  _get it_ , yet? it's  _over_ , jiho, over." 

jiho doesn't say anything for a few moments before scoffing for what feels like the millionth time since sanha picked up, " _whatever_ ," he spits, "it's not like i ever particularly cared about him, anyways, god, he was so pathetic, always begging for my forgiveness and shit; he wasn't even a good fuc--"

" _goodbye_ jiho,  _don't_ call back." sanha hangs up the phone before jiho can say anything else, hoping he sounded at least a little intimidating when he told jiho not to call again. 

"sanha?" minhyuk had woken up, apparently, at some point while sanha was on the phone with jiho; had possibly even heard sanha's half of the conversation. 

"m-minhyuk, what did you, did you  _hear_ any of that? i'm  _so sorry_ minhyuk i didn't mean to get in the middle like that i just, i picked up the phone because i thought it was one of the hyungs and then it was  _jiho_ and he was being an  _asshole_ and i couldn't just hang up, minhyuk, i couldn't just let him talk about you like that, hyung, i'm sorr--"

"you don't need to apologize sanha i," minhyuk pauses, blushing slightly, "i'm glad you stood up to him for me, i know how, how, err, difficult, it can be, when it's him." 

"he never deserved you, hyung, you're a million times the person he'll ever be." minhyuk's cheeks turn redder at sanha's words and he nods as a reply, laying back down on the sofa for a moment. 

"so, why were you talking about us having  _sex_ , exactly?" 

sanha feels his mouth fall open immediately, trying to find the words to explain the situation and flushing so red he can  _feel_ his cheeks burning. minhyuk begins giggling at his reaction, and sanha finds it in himself to smile in response, wanting nothing more than to hear minhyuk laugh for the rest of time. 

"you have a nice laugh." 

minhyuk's eyes go wide for a moment, stuttering out an awkward thanks before sitting up from the couch, "i'm gonna go get ready, i have to meet bin soon." 

sanha nods, cursing himself and the stupid feelings he knows are slowly growing for minhyuk. the boy had  _just_ gotten out of a terribly manipulative relationship and here sanha was basically flirting with him; sanha thinks that maybe, just maybe, he's the worst person in the world. 

minhyuk, though, thinks sanha is pretty great, especially considering whatever he'd said to jiho had managed to make the older boy leave minhyuk alone after incessantly bothering him for three weeks. in the time which passes, afterwards, minhyuk and sanha slowly become closer and closer friends. 

living together helps, of course, but both of them know for certain that had they met through myungjun under different circumstances, they still would've been as close as they are now. the two are practically inseparable, and bin likes to joke that he's been replaced. minhyuk loves sanha as a friend, sure, but bin would forever be his  _brother_ , and no one could ever replace him. 

but sanha is different from bin, in a lot of ways. minhyuk and bin are brothers, minhyuk can tell him anything, he knows bin will always be there for him and he loves bin, with all of his heart. him and bin can spend hours together without even realizing that hours have passed and they share a bond over soccer and growing up together in cheongju and the fact that they've been friends their entire lives. 

minhyuk and bin will watch games together or minhyuk will take shots on him, if he's feeling up to it, they visit their parents together, and they bicker and fight just like siblings do, too. 

the differences, though, lie in small things about the relationship between him and bin that minhyuk hadn't even realized were there until he and sanha became close.

him and sanha have movie nights every friday night, when minhyuk is back from work and sanha done class, and they cuddle up on their couch and share some kind of takeout and watch whatever movie sounds good, to them. it's different from bin, because bin will watch movies with him, but him and bin have never cuddled a day in their lives. minhyuk isn't  _upset_ about this, he thinks it'd be awkward and weird if he ever snuggled up on the couch with  _bin._

with sanha, however, it feels normal, and minhyuk isn't really sure of a time where he and sanha  _didn't_ snuggle up close to one another, usually with sanha's head on minhyuk's shoulder or chest, sharing blankets and watching movies or dramas or even if sanha is reading for class and minhyuk is doing work. 

he and sanha share a lot of skinship in general, if minhyuk is being honest, but it isn't odd or uncomfortable, or even anything beyond the two of them being friends. sanha clings to him almost all of the time, leaning against minhyuk in public when he's particularly tired or holding onto minhyuk's hand when he's nervous or scared. minhyuk is equally as clingy, if he's being honest, and the two have shared a bed after a particularly bad day or after watching a scary movie more times than bin and minhyuk have ever shared a bed in all of their years of friendship. 

minhyuk and sanha do a lot together that he and bin have never really done, like cook with one another and bring each other coffee in bed, give each other massages and even wake one another up in the morning's to say bye before they leave. 

minhyuk and sanha do lots  _with_ bin and myungjun and jinwoo, too, like go bowling and to karaoke bars and even to soccer games, especially to  _watch_ bin and jinwoo. 

minhyuk and sanha are simply  _comfortable_ with one another, and minhyuk finds it so refreshing and nice to be able to be so close with another person in ways he'd been with jiho, without their relationship being anything like the one he'd had with jiho; and especially with their relationship solely being  _platonic_. 

after they've been living together for almost a year, though, minhyuk senses his feelings for sanha beginning to change more towards romantic than friendly, a shift which scares him a lot more than he'd like to admit and leaves him burying emotions beneath as many layers of indifference as he can. the transition from platonic feelings into romantic ones is slow, so slow that minhyuk doesn't even pick up on it until one day, one of his coworkers is talking about love and all minhyuk can think about is sanha. 

whenever sanha cuddles up to him on the couch, after that, or gives minhyuk a hug or presses his lips to minhyuk's cheek in casual affection, which minhyuk should be  _used to_ by now, minhyuk's heart skips beats in his chest and his stomach twists and turns, in a good way, though. minhyuk  _knows_ the signs of a crush, recalls feeling like this when he'd first started seeing jiho.

he finds himself rereading text conversations with sanha or looking at pictures of the two of them on his phone or their various social media accounts and smiling to himself, giddy at whatever old joke or event he's reminiscing on. 

it makes him feel a little sick, to have romantic feelings for someone again, and not because it's  _sanha_ , minhyuk adores sanha in every sense of the word. the problem lies in the fact that minhyuk is terrified of being in a relationship because of jiho. he knows sanha isn't anything like jiho, would never even think about treating minhyuk at all similarly for a second, but minhyuk isn't sure he, himself, knows how to be in a proper relationship or to  _not_ act like he had with jiho. 

he's even a little afraid of  _being_ the jiho in the relationship, though bin reassures him a million times that he never would be, because minhyuk was too good a person. bin encourages him to confess to sanha, hints at the fact that minhyuk's feelings are most definitely reciprocated and that he and sanha would be cute, as a couple. 

it takes a little bit of alcohol in his bloodstream and a whole lot of jealousy for minhyuk to finally confess to sanha. their group of friends had decided to go to a bar, for some reason, celebrating a win jinwoo and bin had gotten with their team; myungjun having complained that they hadn't gone out in forever and that this was the perfect excuse. 

minhyuk had only had a beer to drink, barely even feeling buzzed, if only to watch out for sanha, who was encouragingly being passed shots by a very tipsy myungjun who was eager to see his best friend drunk; because he'd apparently never actually been able to drink with sanha. 

more shots and a few beers and hours later, sanha is on the dance floor, cheeks pink and giggles falling easily from his lips as he weaves in and out of conversations with their group of friends. minhyuk swears he only takes his eyes off sanha for  _one_ _minute_ , but suddenly he's not where minhyuk last saw him and is actually dancing quite closely  _with_ some random stranger. 

a flash of anger and something else claws it's way up minhyuk's throat, has him shooting daggers at the guy from across the room and internally wishing looks could kill. it should be  _him_ dancing with sanha, not some random dude who wasn't even close to being in sanha's league; not that minhyuk  _knew_ the guy or anything about him, but no one deserved sanha, in minhyuk's eyes, not even minhyuk deserved him. he was too good for everyone, too pure and too sweet and too loving to be true. 

sanha looks slightly uncomfortable after a while and it only takes one time of sanha trying to leave and being stopped by whoever the dude was for minhyuk to march his way over and protectively sling an arm around sanha's waist. 

"get off of him." 

the guy had snorted, "and who are you? his boyfriend? i have dibs, dude." 

sanha had looked a little horrified at being referred to as someone's "dibs" but minhyuk had simply rolled his eyes, "i am his boyfriend, so back off before i make you." 

minhyuk had perfected a glare in years of playing soccer, and it was pretty threatening, if you asked sanha. the stranger seemed to agree because he was quickly stumbling an apology and tripping over his own feet to get away. 

"thanks, hyuk," sanha had mumbled, pressing his lips to minhyuk's cheek, a lot  _more_ sober after the whole situation than he'd been before. he began giggling, then, "so, now you're my boyfriend?" 

minhyuk had shaken his head amusedly, but quickly changed his mind on how honest to be, "only if you want me to be." 

sanha's eyes had gone wide, "are you, are you joking around with me, minhyuk? because if you are it isn't funny, don't do that." 

"i'm not joking with you, sanha. i didn't like seeing anyone else have their hands on you," he admits carefully, "i wanna be the only one who gets to." 

sanha had still been confused, eyebrows furrowing and hand reaching up to scratch his head. 

"i like you, yoon sanha; a lot," minhyuk had finally said, "and i think we should date, maybe, if you want to." minhyuk had cringed at his own words, slightly, knowing how awkward and unsure and unconfident they sounded. 

sanha had blushed, anyways, cheeks flushing a deep red, unable to meet minhyuk's gaze, "i'dlikethat." 

"what?" 

"i said i'd like that, minhyuk," sanha's cheeks were on fire and a small smile is playing on his lips. 

he quickly leans over to press a kiss to minhyuk's lips, causing the older boy to flush just as red and cough out awkwardly, "let's go home." 

sanha had nodded, "let's." 

their relationship hadn't changed all that much once they'd started dating, because realistically, they already did a lot of the stuff that couples did as friends. the only real problems that had arisen was when they encountered bumps they couldn't really avoid, minhyuk having been so conditioned in his relationship with jiho that the most unexpected things could cause him to freak out, a little. 

if sanha was ever particularly quiet, minhyuk would begin muttering apologies and asking what he'd done wrong. sanha wasn't upset with this, he understood entirely that whatever minhyuk had had with jiho hadn't been  _right_ and had definitely hurt minhyuk in his understanding of what a proper romantic relationship should consist of. they weren't entirely  _new_ problems, because minhyuk had even struggled with certain things in their friendship, and it hurt sanha that jiho had done so much damage to minhyuk's understanding of relationships. 

minhyuk would draw back from sanha, at times, worried that if he told him the truth sanha might use it against him in order to hurt him, like jiho had done so many times. he would apologize if he took a little longer than usual to answer text messages even though sanha didn't mind at all. minhyuk even told sanha where he was going and who he was going with whenever he went out, even if sanha hadn't asked and had simply told him to have fun. 

they slowly worked through all of those things, though, carefully making sure minhyuk understood that sanha wasn't going to do anything like jiho had and he didn't expect minhyuk's entire life and being to revolve around  _sanha_.

minhyuk begins understanding that sanha just loves him, and that he doesn't expect anything in return for that love; other than minhyuk loving him back, which minhyuk was entirely happy and even  _eager_ to do. 

being with sanha was so  _different_ from being with jiho, but also so much  _better_ , because minhyuk felt completely at ease and comfortable and  _loved_ ; in a way he'd never felt with jiho, other than in the very beginning of their relationship. 

they date for almost a full year without exchanging an i love you, mostly because minhyuk was afraid of what being in love might mean should he admit it to himself and sanha knew he was uncomfortable with  _hearing_ it from sanha; would tense up, anticipating the excuse or insult which always followed jiho's confessions of love. 

they never came, though, because sanha wasn't like jiho, had never  _been_ anything like jiho, would never become like jiho. 

sanha was sanha, and sanha loved minhyuk and minhyuk loved sanha; and even though they didn't say it until the night of their first anniversary, with candles lit around their kitchen and in the centre of their table and white daisies placed alongside them because they were minhyuk's favourite, his favourite meal waiting for him as he opened the door, coming home from work, and his favourite  _person_ sheepishly smiling at him, hair a little mussed from preparing everything and dark circles under his eyes from having just returned from a trip with the team he worked for. 

sanha looked stunning, though, in minhyuk's opinion, and minhyuk had wrapped sanha in his arms and murmured a thank you and told sanha how much he loved him. the three words had shocked the poor boy into silence for a moment, eyes brimming with tears and hands trembling slightly as he tightly gripped minhyuk's collar and pressed their lips together, repeating them back without hesitation. 

they discuss their future in more detail than ever before, that night, snuggled under the blankets of sanha's bed and legs intertwined carefully. they talk about buying a new apartment, soon, debate the possibility of a small house. sanha brings up minhyuk's new job starting soon, the two of them discussing how nice it'll be to be working as team doctor's for the same team so that sanha doesn't have to go away without minhyuk so often. minhyuk talks about marrying sanha, and sanha brings up adoption, excitedly rambling about kids of their own and how great of a dad minhyuk would be.

minhyuk thinks to himself, that night, with sanha asleep in his arms, that yoon sanha is most definitely another one of his scores; he isn't sure why it took him so long to realize that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you liked it!! this was v unedited if i'm being honest so i hope it makes sense and isn't too jumpy. 
> 
> hmu on tumblr @lee-dongminhyuk!! :)


	6. twenty seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he asks because sanha once waited two years to tell minhyuk that he loved him.
> 
> there’s three years between him and sanha now, though minhyuk would argue four because of that first year they’d spent as something just past friends; and jinwoo and myungjun had done it the year before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the final chapter of score wow i never rlly imagined this coming to an end anytime soon. i didn't exactly know this was how it would turn out but i wanna say a massive thank you to anyone who's read it or left kudos or a comment, i appreciate it SO much. as my favourite fic i've written and simultaneously the one i'm most proud of, it means the world to me that even a single person happened to enjoy it. 
> 
> i hope you enjoy the end of this.
> 
> a **_[playlist](https://lee-dongminhyuk.tumblr.com/post/170698391780/score-playlist)_** which goes with this fic can be found on my tumblr using that link if you wanna check it out. it's basically just the songs which inspired this fic as i wrote it and i hadn't thought about posting it with the other chapters so here it is now if you ever wanna reread and listen along or anything,,, ok i'm done rambling now, again, please enjoy!!!

_he's 27 and a ring tucked into his pocket._   
_getting down on a single knee and roses he specifically picked out._   
_preparing for a future that no longer seems bleak and with someone who he'd never really thought about at 14._

 

+++

 

he asks because sanha once waited two years to tell minhyuk that he loved him.

there's three years between him and sanha now, though minhyuk would argue four because of that first year they'd spent as something just past friends; and jinwoo and myungjun had done it the year before.

there's a chalkboard attached to the door of their fridge and minhyuk makes sure to always leave little notes for sanha there whenever he leaves the house; even though they usually leave at the same time. the board has long been covered in white dust from overuse but minhyuk hasn't cleaned it yet.

they moved the year before, too, a bigger apartment much closer to that of their friend's. the one before was too far from where they worked, and had a strict "no pets" policy which had been sanha's primary drive for wanting to move. a dog now sits cuddled up next to sanha on the couch whenever they're home; adopted as a puppy and nearly as cute as the boy who had picked him. astro, named by sanha of course, is a ball of white fur which often falls into his eyes and floppy ears.

he asks because sanha had mentioned wanting to get married at myungjun and jinwoo's wedding a few months earlier. sanha had been slightly tipsy, all flushed cheeks and giggles falling from his lips when he’d mumbled the words as myungjun and jinwoo had their first dance.

“i want to get married, hyuk. can we get married?” sanha had looked over at minhyuk as he’d said it, all soft eyes filled with adoration and a small pout on his lips.

minhyuk had nodded, pulled sanha’s chair closer to him and pressed a kiss to his cheek, “of course we can get married.”

sanha had smiled widely and returned the kiss quickly, turning back to watch myungjun and jinwoo finish their first dance as a married couple. he hadn’t mentioned it again after that, but minhyuk couldn’t stop thinking about it.

when minhyuk goes home for his mom’s birthday, and sanha is unable to come, it feels like instinct that he ends up in a jewellery store not too far from where him and bin grew up. he goes in the morning before the party, just after he arrives back in cheongju, looks at a few of the rings which the lady working there suggests, “these are our most popular engagement rings,” she tells him, “can i ask who the lucky lady is?”

she asks the question as if she knows minhyuk, and he thinks to himself that maybe she might; looks a little too familiar to be a stranger but isn’t someone minhyuk can place, exactly. she catches this, or minhyuk thinks she does, because a small smile slips across her face, “eunha, kim eunha. we went to school together, way back when.”

minhyuk recognizes the name, after she’s said it, can finally place her as that crush he’d made up having back in ninth grade when he couldn’t admit who he loved and when bin didn’t know and when he was entirely unhappy with himself. he pauses for a moment, though, repeats her phrase in his mind, _can i ask who the lucky lady is_.

he lets a smile take over his face, at the thought of sanha, of his life now, “lucky _guy_ , actually,” he ignores the surprise on eunha’s face, continues carefully, “his uhh, his name is sanha; and i’m the lucky one.”

there’s a pause after he says it which a version of minhyuk long in the past would’ve found unbearably difficult; though minhyuk also realizes there’s a version of minhyuk in the past, the one kim eunha would’ve known, who would never have acknowledged sanha was a guy, who probably wouldn’t have even _been_ with sanha in the way he is now in the first place. a version which had kissed lee dongmin in the dark after soccer and behind closed doors and tore himself apart because he wasn’t the same as his peers.

he finds he doesn’t care now, isn’t worried about the possibility of eunha telling their former classmates or anyone else minhyuk knows, because minhyuk would be happy to tell them himself; loves to show off sanha to anyone and everyone because sanha is the love of his life.

“right,” a pause as she begins to put away the various rings she’d had out,“well, let me see what i can find, then. someone who you love that much, someone that _special_ deserves something unique.”

“i didn’t say anythi--”

“your eyes,” she smiles again, “you had this look in your eyes when you said his name, anyone could see from a mile away how much you adore him.”

minhyuk flushes, cheeks burning but a smile on his face nonetheless because he _did_ love sanha that much.

he looks at rings for a little while longer, ends up buying one which he hoped sanha would love as much as he had when he’d seen it, because minhyuk has always been impulsive; especially when it came to yoon sanha.

he shows his mom when he returns to his childhood home, blushes when she pats the side of his face and groans past the tears he’d never admit are in his eyes at her sniffles, “you’ve grown up so much, park minhyuk.”

he returns to seoul with the box hidden somewhere at the bottom of his suitcase, gently shuts the door to their apartment because it’s late and sanha is most likely asleep. he finds his boyfriend curled up on their couch, the tv playing reruns of a drama they’d watched a few months earlier, sanha’s arms wrapped around his legs, which are curled in towards his chest, asleep in a way minhyuk knows he only does when he’s sleeping alone.

he stands a moment, admires sanha’s sleeping form; the way his chest rises and falls with his breaths, lips held in the pout which forever seemed to grace them and opened just enough to let air pass through. he can’t help the small smile which forms on his face watching the younger man, feels the swell of emotion, of love, in his chest at seeing him despite the fact they’ve only been parted for one day and eighteen hours; not that minhyuk was counting.

sanha is minhyuk’s everything, if he’s being honest. though he’d never really expected it when he first met the boy sanha has become the most important score in his life, if not _the_ score of minhyuk’s entire life. yoon sanha, with legs which seem infinitely longer than his own and a high pitched giggle which never fails to bring a smile to his face. the only person he could ever see taking his last name and being next to him for the rest of eternity.

truthfully, minhyuk wants it all with sanha.

minhyuk wants the rare days him and sanha have time off work, when they can stay intertwined beneath their sheets until the afternoon with no cares other than the person next to them.

he wants early flights around the country with sanha for their job and late nights spent under the lights of a stadium and grumbling, injured players who have a tendency to disregard their warnings of needing rest in order to play again.

minhyuk wants sanha’s sadness and anger and worry just as much as he needs sanha’s happiness and kindness and love.

minhyuk just wants _sanha_ , all of him; as much as he can get. has wanted it since all those years earlier when sanha had stood, a stranger, in jinwoo and bin’s old apartment and told him that jiho was an asshole. he didn’t know it, then, but minhyuk liked to believe that they had always been destined to meet.

sanha is perfect for him, as cliche and overused as it sounds every time he thinks it. sanha is the perfect balance for him; is just soft enough to balance the rough edges that are minhyuk and loud enough that minhyuk’s quietness means nothing in comparison.

minhyuk’s family invites them to stay in cheongju for christmas sometime during november and sanha accepts the offer without even asking minhyuk first; claims that minhyuk rarely gets to see his family because they live further away and since sanha’s lives in seoul they see them much more often.

they head back on the 24th with bin and his girlfriend, the drive isn’t long because it’s only an hour away but with their work schedule so busy aside from the offseason which winter months bring, sanha, minhyuk, and even bin are rarely able to make the trip.

minhyuk’s mother greets sanha with a hug and a kiss to his cheek just like she would minhyuk, complains that the boy is even thinner from the last time she’d seen him and scolds minhyuk for not feeding him properly. sanha giggles, at that, joins her in pestering his boyfriend for not taking care of him for a little while before he finally mellows out and admits to minhyuk’s mother that her son takes better care of sanha than he’s able to take care of himself.

minhyuk and sanha head downtown after dinner to walk around, find themselves in the small ice cream parlour on the end of the main street which minhyuk had been to a million times as a kid. sanha slides into a booth in the corner while minhyuk goes to the counter and gets their favourites, chocolate chip cookie dough for himself and strawberry for sanha.

he doesn’t pay much attention to the other people there as he hands over the correct amount of money and accepts the two cups of ice cream. it isn’t until he’s sitting across from sanha, thumb running absentmindedly over the back of sanha’s hand in his grasp that he feels like someone is watching him.

he furrows his eyebrows, notices sanha stop discussing something jinwoo had mentioned to him a few days earlier at his expression and mumbles that he feels like someone is staring. sanha just shrugs, picks up another spoonful of ice cream and nudges minhyuk on the arm after glancing around the small store.

“that guy,” he mentions quietly, gesturing discreetly in the direction of the other couple minhyuk hadn't noticed.

he tries to turn around to look without being obvious, though it doesn’t really work out when he has to turn nearly fully around in the booth to see who it is.

his breath catches, however, at a sharp jawline and neatly styled hair, eyes which are a little bit more mature looking and lips minhyuk could probably find with his eyes closed even after all this time.

sanha catches on quickly to minhyuk recognizing the man, “you know him?”

minhyuk nods, “lee dongmin.” it’s all he needs to say to explain, and sanha is immediately nodding and grasping minhyuk’s hand once more; minhyuk isn’t sad or angry or hurt, he’s long over whatever he and dongmin had shared when he was in high school, but it isn’t any less weird.

minhyuk notes that dongmin is sitting across from a girl he doesn’t recognize, but they’re holding hands and he thinks he sees them kiss as they stand up to leave. he feels bad for dongmin, then, as he looks across the table at sanha and thinks about how much he loves him and how happy he is to have sanha in his life. minhyuk knows that dongmin is gay, had been told at some point between dongmin pointing out that he thought minhyuk was too and the two of them sharing their first kiss in the very back of their school’s change room after all of their teammates had left.

he doesn’t pity him, because dongmin is an adult and responsible for his own decisions and if he chooses to hide his sexuality then that’s his choice, and it really isn’t minhyuk’s business; but when he thinks about jinwoo and myungjun and bin and sanha and his parents and everyone else who have helped him to accept himself and make him realize he’s not wrong for being who he is and loving who he loves, he only wishes that maybe dongmin had had the same support. he wonders if it really would’ve made a difference and he feels thankful he’ll never have to be in dongmin’s position because he’d had those people around him.

sanha tugs on his hand, asks him what he’s thinking, and when minhyuk smiles and shakes his head, sanha doesn’t question it. he accepts the “i love you” minhyuk sends his way and replies with one of his own, flushing red when minhyuk presses his lips to the back of his hand.

christmas comes and goes rather quickly, with presents exchanged and hugs from his parents at the gifts him and sanha have purchased for them; a little more expensive than what minhyuk would usually buy but he feels like his parents deserve it, deserve so much for raising him and allowing him to play soccer and loving him unconditionally. his parents deserve the world, or as much of it as minhyuk can give them; which happens to be a trip in europe that they’ve always wanted to go on where they can travel between countries over the span of three weeks, with train tickets and flights and even hotels all paid for and arranged via minhyuk.

he waits until they’re home, to give sanha his final gift; a day after christmas and fumbling hands as he tells sanha to sit on the couch because he has one more thing for him.

he doesn’t do it at a fancy restaurant or in front of a bunch of people or in some extravagant way because he knows sanha would hate that.

instead, he digs in his bedroom drawer for a box which has been there for a few months and stuffs it in his pocket before sitting down in front of sanha and taking his boyfriend’s hands into his own.

he clears his throat and feels his cheeks flush and watches sanha carefully, can see the questions in his eyes but also the understanding that now isn’t the time because minhyuk will answer all of them soon enough. he’d written out a speech a few weeks earlier but he doesn’t read from it or recite it because he knows the words will seem stiff and sanha deserves so much more than mechanical phrases which minhyuk spent a few days writing.

so he speaks from the heart and tells sanha about how thankful he is for him; how glad he is that sanha had been there the night he’d ended up breaking up with jiho, and how much he’d appreciated sanha standing up to jiho for him and how patient he’d been with minhyuk. he tells sanha how much he loves him; how sanha is his sun and his stars and everything in between, his better half and the best thing to ever happen to him. he tells sanha that there’s no one else he wants to spend the rest of his life with and who he can see taking his last name and being a parent with him.

most of all, though, minhyuk tells sanha about how he’s always thought of things in his life as scores, explains that he can’t remember when he’d started doing it but knows that it stems from playing soccer for so long. he explains that bin is a score and his parents are scores, that being able to play soccer had been a score and being hired as a team doctor had been a score, meeting jinwoo and myungjun had been a score and adopting astro had been a score, and buying their new apartment had also been a score. his biggest score, though, lies not in his job or in the things he has or even in the people he grew up with. minhyuk’s biggest score, _the_ score of minhyuk’s entire life is sanha, no question, no ifs, ands, or buts, and definitely no doubts. sanha, in all that he is and has been and will ever be for minhyuk is the best thing to ever happen to him, and minhyuk knows that won’t change.

when he’s done, and a few tears have fallen down sanha’s cheeks, he finally slides the ring out of his pocket and opens the lid and asks sanha if he’ll marry him.

when sanha inevitably says yes, minhyuk adds another score to his list.

 

+++

 

a list of a few scores minhyuk accomplishes in the years following his proposal:

\- marry sanha ✔️

\- move into a house ✔️

\- watch bin get married ✔️

\- meet myungjun and jinwoo’s daughter ✔️

\- adopt their own daughter ✔️

\- meet bin and his wife’s son ✔️

\- daughter’s first word ✔️

\- spend the rest of his life with yoon sanha (in progress)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, thank you so so much for reading. this is unedited as usual so pls bear with that. 
> 
> as always, hmu on tumblr @lee-dongminhyuk

**Author's Note:**

> this chapter rlly didn't have much happen but it was more to set up some plot, i promise the next two i have written have more going on + the whole thing itself becomes more interesting. hope you enjoyed, feedback is always welcome! 
> 
> hmu on tumblr @lee-dongminhyuk


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